are you still at the devil's house?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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