I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
