Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
