why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
