Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
