You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
