you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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