Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
