Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
