is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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