Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
