Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
