my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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