Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
