I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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