Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
