The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This is my gift to your gina
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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