wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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