she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
