apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So much rum. So many feels.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
