he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
