Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
