i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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