She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
