I cut my penus on the lid.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
