Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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