you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
