Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
