i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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