bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
