to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
