is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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