Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
