when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
