I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
