I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
