Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
