You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
