Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
