I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
