I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
