I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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