i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
