rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
