sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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