Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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