Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
