I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
