Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
