So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
