so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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