belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
